Mutuality: Father and 19-Month-Old Son Having a Conversation about a TV Show

In this video, the father was originally talking to his wife about the ending of a tv show. His little boy was playing in another part of the room, but wanted to join in the conversation, so climbed on the couch and joined in. The baby wants to be connected and part of the interaction.

Notice the father’s obvious delight in his little boy. He has an open, welcoming, delighted gaze on his face while he listens to what his toddler is saying with his gestures and babbling. Also notice that the toddler doesn’t have any words yet but has all of the precursors of language: he has social timing, turn-taking, imitation and reciprocity. The baby’s babbling sounds like speech: it’s as if the “melody” (sound of speech) has developed before the lyrics (words). Both father and the little boy are each responsive to what each is “saying”. Watch their synchrony in movements. The baby moves his head back and forth and then the father does the same when he responds. Their shared delight is evident.

Teaching Points

• During times of shared pleasure, such as in this video, the brain is in an especially receptive state for learning. Shared delight is a strong safety cue.
• The social connectedness implied by mutual delight (the parent and baby each holding the other’s mind in their mind) is very regulating for their shared nervous systems.
• In this receptive state, the baby can take in the huge amount of social information and language being shared in this brief interaction.
• Infancy is a key sensitive period for language development and the development of emotion regulation.
• Shared pleasure provides a buffer against the negative effects of adversity.
• We all need the buffering effects of social connectedness and mutuality.