Understanding the Scope of the Presenting Problem: Joining with Parents & Containing Their Distress

Usually when parents discuss a concern, they start by describing a particular behavior of their child that is challenging for them. The questions below can help the provider gather more information about how the parent views the behavior, and can help the parent reflect on the behavior and why it might be happening:

• Can you describe what (name of child) does that is a concern for you?
• Have you noticed, are there any particular circumstances under which the behavior occurs?
• Is this behavior new, or has this been happening for a while?
• What have you and other caregivers tried to help the child? How has that worked?
• What do you think is going on for your child when she is behaving this way?
• Have there been any changes in your child’s life recently?
• How do you think this behavior affects your relationship with your child?

While gathering the history about a child’s difficult behavior, it is important to listen for how the child’s behavior might be impacted or driven by their developmental stage, unique personality or their environment. It is also important to think about what the child’s underlying feelings and needs are beneath the difficult behavior and what help they may need in order for the behavior to improve.

Once the provider has joined with the family and has a better sense of the challenging behavior, the provider can ask the parent the following questions to help them reflect about their own feelings and needs and their child’s feelings and needs.